It’s All Happening

Something I’ve been saying over and over the past few weeks has been, “It’s all happening,” usually followed up with an “Ahh!!!!!!” Like, holy moly, the 20s are a real thing that just sneak up on you and slap you in the face with reality. You find out what you want don’t want, what you do want and what you need.

I’ve done a lot of cool things in the past few months and I feel like it’s just the beginning of something. I’m stupid excited for everything, but terrified all at once. It’s a cool feeling.

I went on quite a few dates with one guy and I was having a blast. I wasn’t reading too much into it (or so I’d like to think) and was just happy to have someone to hang with and share stories and do fun things with. It was awesome. He was funny in a snarky way, had a good job that I liked to hear about and an all around fun and good dude. My roommate just started dating a super awesome guy (👋👋) and we decided it’d be fun to go to a hockey game on a double date! I was excited because I’m just such a hockey fan (loljk) but to just do something new.

Then he dropped the line.

The God damn line I’ve heard over and over.

“I think you’re awesome, and I’ve been having so much fun, but…”

Just stop.

If I hear that line one more time, I think I’ll keel over and die. Yeah, dude. I know I’m awesome. I know this. I think you’re awesome too, which is why I wanted to hang. Anything after the “but” just turns into white noise for me because I have heard this since high school. I don’t want to be just friends, ’cause trust me, I’ve got plenty of ’em and I can’t be friends with someone I’ve been on dates with. I can’t do a pseudo dating thing, and try as I may, I just don’t think I can take it. I can’t do in between, and to be honest, I think that’s fine. I wasn’t trying to make him my boyfriend, I was just seeing how things would play out. But I mean, it’s better to cut your losses early in the game before you get stupid over someone. Yeah, I was bummed and cried a bit, but only because I was embarrassed and he was cool.

I’m over it now, but at the time it sucked. So that’s something I don’t want; pseudo dating or the “but.”

I went on a date later that week with a dude who was really funny, smart, and a total gentleman. I had a blast and wished the date lasted forever, but alas, he lives in Denver. COME ON. One of these days I’ll meet a guy in this zip code.

Since my first taste of stand up, I’ve hit the stage a few more times. I love it. I love the rush I get before I get before I walk on, I love jotting down my jokes in a cute little notebook all week, I love making people laugh and I love everything about it. I know it’s only been a few open mics, but it is something I didn’t know I could actually do. Now that I’ve been doing it, I want to keep it up. Every situation in my day is like a punchline for a joke. I’ve just been so excited to write things down and run them by a friend and then do it on stage. I don’t know where it’s going to take me, and that’s fine, I just know I want it. The encouragement from my friends has been amazing and I am so happy. I want to learn everything about it and I want to be good at it. I want this to be a regular thing for me and I want to call all of my elementary school teachers and tell them that my “inappropriate behavior” has paid off.

You know when you drive your car and it shakes over 40 mph and smells like gas and sometimes when you go over a speed bump, you hear this loud metal on concrete sound?

Apparently this isn’t a normal happening. I tried to ignore it as long as I could because this little birdy is finally leaving the comfort of her parent’s financial nest and has to pay for everything on her own. I’m a little late to that party, but  dang, why is everything so expensive?

It was time to put my Taurus to rest and move onto a new car, one that people weren’t terrified to ride in. I have been researching cars for like five months and knew what I could afford, and what I couldn’t. (The price of Maseratis have just risen this past year!) So after I saved, (read “tax refund”) I was ready to actually go check out some autos. 

I brought my dad along with me because I felt like if I was to do this on my own, I’d walk out with an Escalade, and it was fun. We went to CarMax first but I wasn’t digging anything. Also, they had so many Toyota Yarises, it was overwhelming. WHO IS DRIVING THESE?? My dad was looking at one and goes, “They’re pretty nice!” To which I replied, “You want me to get married, right?” His response, “Well, sure. If you found a guy who liked you in this, he’d think you’re practical.”

Yeah, because that’s how I want to be described. 

“Hey, man. Just started dating this chick. She is so practical. She eats turkey sandwiches every day, has a great collection of turtle necks and drives a Yaris. She is so practical. I can’t wait to eat vanilla pudding with her my whole life.”

So I didn’t go with a Yaris.

 I got a nice little Corolla. Perfect price. Perfect everything. I call her my Beige Beauty, because she’s…beige. Wait, what was I saying about practical earlier? Yeah, I know. Anyway, I love it and I needed it. I’m on my own auto insurance and bought my own car with my own money and I’m excited. It’s just something I needed to do to feel a little bit more grown up and on my own.

Finally, I feel like things are falling into place and it’s good. I’m hopeful for what’s to come and I’m feelin’ awesome. So seriously, if you plan on shitting on my good feeling, I will snap on you so fast. 

Just kidding.

But really. I like what I’ve got goin’ on and I’m gonna keep it up. 


Do the Thing


I have been trying to be more consistent with this, but I just haven’t sat down and done it. So here I am.  The past couple of weeks have been so good to me and I’m feeling like things are falling into place and I’m not in such a weird spot.

If you haven’t already, you need to read Amy Poehler’s, Yes Please. Seriously. I read Tina Fey’s book, Bossypants, two years ago and loved it. I loved her snarky writing and messages about being a woman in comedy, so I was excited to see what Amy could bring to the table. When I’d see these women on TV, I often thought I could relate more to Tina’s characters, (Liz Lemon mostly) but then Leslie Knope showed up and I kind of thought I was like her. I’d like to think of myself as Liz Lemon and Leslie Knope’s lovechild.  You know, someone who loves to eat cheese in sweatpants but is a little spastic and loves her friends in an almost worrisome way.

Yes Please is amazing. I couldn’t put it down and I cried when I finished it. I cried because of the advice she unknowingly gave me, I cried because of her wittiness and I cried because I hadn’t read a book that spoke to me like that in a long time. It was crazy reading it because I found many similarities in our writing styles. For instance, earlier that day, I had posted a blog entry about having a squishy heart (which has since been made private because it was a little winded) and began reading her book that night. The first chapter, she talks about having a squishy heart and saying yes to people too often. THAT’S LIKE WHAT I SAID, AMY. I SAID I HAVE A SQUISHY HEART. I was seriously on Cloud 9 after I read that. Her writing style is like if she was sitting right in front of you and talking and she rambles but then finds a way to connect all of her words so they make sense.  I’d like to think I do that with “Tighe-ing it together.” See what I did there? Ehh? Ehh?

To pick one of my favorite quotes from her book was difficult, but I found this one got me right in the feels.

“You do it because the doing of it is the thing. The doing is the thing. The talking and worrying and thinking is not the thing.”

I read this over and over and I had to put down the book. This has been similar to my mantra all year! Just doing my things. This is my year to do the things I’ve said I wanted to do, and I’ve been doing them and the feeling is amazing. AMAZING.

I reflected on Amy’s words and thought to myself, “The difference between Amy and me, besides the fact she’s famous and has millions, is that she has done the things.” She had a huge impact on the improv world with being one of the founders of Upright Citizens Brigade, an improv program, and she has successfully written and directed episodes of Parks and Recreation. She did it.

This year, a friend sent me a bangle that said “She believed she could, so she did” with sweet words of encouragement of following my heart and dreams and finding myself. She said she’s a blog reader (what’s up, mama? J ) so she must have put together that I’m definitely in my soul searching phase. I wear the bangle every day and I think about the things I believe I could do, but don’t.

With my bangle on my arm and Amy’s words in my brain, I thought about something that I have wanted to do, but haven’t done.

Stand-up comedy.

All I’ve been doing at work is listening to stand up and I’m constantly stifling my laughter with snorts or fake coughing, but everyone knows I’m laughing. I have become obsessed. I actually emailed one of my favorite comedians, Mike Birbiglia, to tell him I’m a huge fan and I asked for advice, (still waiting on that response, Birbigs. Ball’s in your court…) and I have just thought, “Man, it’d be awesome to do it.”

So I did it.

I emailed my improv coach and told him I was interested and he hooked me up with the dude who runs the open mic night. I met with him, padfolio in hand, and asked questions. His advice?

Be funny and then be funnier.

Oh, okay. Done.

WHAT?! How do I? Wait, what? Like. Just all of the questions, here.

While my brain ran around in circles trying to figure out what I should do, I finally just said, “Hey, brain. Knock it off. Just write.”

So I did.

Pen to paper, I thought of a funny theme and just went with it. I wrote down every word and then I read every word with a timer. I cut out stuff I didn’t want and by the third time reading it, I had it down.

I told some friends I was doing it and I was honestly really surprised to hear the support. I didn’t know if it would be like, “Oh, man. Hannah thinks she’s funny and is going to embarrass herself,” but it was all so incredibly supportive. They didn’t think they needed the tomatoes or the long cane that would yank me off the stage by the neck like in the old timey cartoons.

The day of my stand up, I was a wreck. I was shaking. I couldn’t sit still. I was like a border collie. I had to go run just to calm the f down. I ran and ran and then got ready. I was so excited and terrified and felt like I could vomit, but I was ready.

I drove to my improv club, put my name in and waited. My gaggle of friends came and they were so excited.

When my name was called, I about tripped out of my chair and walked up stage. I did my thing. I told the story and I paused for my jokes and the laughter, which actually happened a lot. Like, a lot. And that was so cool! They laughed when I wanted them to and laughed when I didn’t think they would.

I walked off stage with a crazy feeling. I felt amazing and I didn’t know where my body was. I was shaking so much after and had a smile glued to my face. Even if it was a small open mic night and there were about 40 people, I was over the moon.


The thing was amazing. The thing was everything I hoped it would be and more. The thing made me happy and I knew that I wanted the thing more.

I got some nice texts from friends who came to the show and one who was kind of out of the blue was really excited for me and sweet. I was so happy.

I couldn’t sleep. I woke up at 2 am with a huge smile and just recalled the night over and over. I couldn’t wait to do it again.

Finally, all of my years of being the class clown and funny girl of the group had paid off. I could tell the Class of 2007 that I lived up to their expectations of Best Comedian and actually went for it. Is it cool to recall what your high school voted you for eight years after you graduate? No, not cool? Oh. Huh. Well SUCK IT. I’m going to do it.

Without reading Yes Please, I probably wouldn’t have done the thing. I would have thought about doing the thing, but wouldn’t have done it. I’d like to dedicate this blog post and my first stand up to Amy Poehler for getting me to do the thing. She doesn’t know her book totally encouraged some 26 year old chick in Iowa to get out of her sweatpants and go up and do her thing, but I’d like to think she’d give me a fist bump.

So, first off. Read Yes Please then go do your thing. 🙂


Yuengling for the Win

Sometimes the best times are the times when you’re feeling blue.

Not to worry, this isn’t a sappy post, rather, more of a reflective one on the most positive relationships I’ve had lately.

They always say you meet someone when you least expect it, and in my experiences, it remains true. I met my ex my second week of college and I stuck with him for five long years. Let’s be real, I wanted to let my hair down and enjoy being single. For anyone who is about to go to college, I’ve got some advice for ya, DO NOT DATE THE FIRST YEAR!! Go out. Make mistakes. Make out with that dude who you know your dad would hate. (Sorry Dad. Don’t read this part.) Don’t lock yourself down. It’s not good for either of you.

Moving on…

After we broke up, I was in a sad place. I had to pick up all of what I had left of myself and try to get myself whole again. This spring, I had just lost my first job out of college and I was devastated. I felt I had completely failed. I actually did fail. I failed an insurance exam (I mean, no one thinks of me and says, “yeah, she’s insurance savvy,”) so it made sense. Nonetheless, I was broken.

I went to visit my friend in Los Angeles because I had already planned the trip and at the time, I needed a good pick me up. I couldn’t have asked for a better time to see her and her friends because they offered such a different an open perspective and it made me feel less crappy for everything.

This was in the middle of my fun Tinder phase where I would just take a look-see at what was there and say funny stuff. Most of the time, it was garbage and dudes were totally vulgar, but I guess that’s what you can expect on an app like that. The LA market was no exception. Sure, there were dudes who had some flare, something different than Iowa guys who showcased their trout or their dogs, but there was one in particular who stuck out.

He was holding a case of Yuengling, America’s first lager, and that was a giveaway that, one, he had good taste, and two, he was probably from the East Coast. I had Yuengling on a business trip out in Ohio and instantly fell in love with its crisp and smooth flavor. I could have drunk all the Yuengling in the state and would have been alright with my hangover because it is literally that good.

I started off the chat with “Yuengling for the win,” and he followed up with witty banter. We exchanged funny pleasantries and I told him I was visiting LA, but had been there a few times. We talked about normal things you talk about, like lox. It was cute. It was fun. It was whatever. He asked me if I wanted to meet up for a drink later and by this time I figured he wouldn’t wear my skin to a birthday party, so I told him where we were going. (It’s just the Iowa gal in me. You want my social security number? Well, okay.)

He said he’d meet up with us and I thought, “Meh, whatever. If he comes, he comes.” Well. He really ended up coming and I was not ready for it. I got nervous and ordered a shot and a beer. My friend asked me if I was buying a round and I winked at her, held up my shot and said, “Nope, these are for Mama.” And down the hatch it went. I was ready to meet this dude.

We started chatting and instantly, there were sparks. I knew I liked him from the second I saw him. I had this weird feeling in my stomach and I thought it was the Fireball, but the queasiness actually turned out to be butterflies.

I hadn’t felt like this in a long, long time. We talked for what seemed like hours and I said stupid stuff because I was nervous. I overshared, I smiled like an idiot and I didn’t care. I couldn’t believe I felt like this again and I wanted the weekend to last forever.

We spent a lot of time together and he showed me places in Los Angeles I had never been. We held hands and shared stories and kissed at every stoplight. We listened to Sublime and drove with the windows down. I was so happy. It was pure and honest happiness I hadn’t felt for so long.

It was my last morning there and Jenny and I were going out for a farewell brunch before she dropped me off at the airport. I filled her in on the details and couldn’t wipe the dumb smile off my face and I didn’t want to. I was texting him and I said, “I just can’t believe he likes me.” I honestly couldn’t believe it. I never wanted to leave.

Because LA is LA, my flight was delayed. I immediately text him and told him. We got to spend more time together and I went to his hockey game. I called my mom and told her about how happy I was.

On the way to the airport, I cried. He started telling me how lucky he was to have met me and how wonderful our time was together. I felt the lip quiver and my crocodile tears come down. I knew it had to make me look crazy, but I couldn’t keep it in. I was devastated to leave him. No one had treated me so nice since the good part of my relationship. No one had said the things he said and I knew he actually meant them. No one made me feel like that.

We said goodbye and I accepted his Facebook friend request. I sat on the plane next to a guy from Louisiana who said he had never flown before. I was tipsy (maybe I knocked down a few at the hockey game, but that’s neither here nor there) and I was still crying. I looked crazy.

Back in Des Moines, I was a texty-two-thumbs for months. All we did was call each other, text and Skype. I was still so happy to have him. We chatted until the wee hours of the morning. I’d smile when I’d look at my phone. I’d smile because he was sweet, because he was funny and because he made me happy.

This lasted for months. We talked about everything. We shared stories and jokes and “It’s not fair,” became a part of our everyday lingo.

It wasn’t fair that he lived so far. It wasn’t fair we met when we met and it wasn’t fair that I couldn’t just fly out to Los Angeles and leave everything behind.

Everything he said was positive. He never got mad at me (except that one time I had too much fun at a happy hour and said something stupid) and he never made me feel bad. He was the one constant happy I had in my life.

Well, the distance became more of a reality as time went on and I got restless. I got frustrated because our lives weren’t as flexible as we’d like them to be and couldn’t visit each other whenever we wanted. We both did our own things, but would still text each other like we always did. I’d ignore him on days when I’d get grumpy and feel bad about it, but I didn’t know what to do.

We stopped talking and he actually called me to break it off. I tried to act like I didn’t care and tried to laugh it off or put up a wall, but I actually cried on my way to and from work and cried in my room and even did the cry-in-the-shower-like-an-Usher-music-video-cry. You’ve done it. Don’t act like you haven’t.

A few months went by and we talked again. I needed support and wise words and I knew he’d have them. One text stemmed into more months of texting and we both knew what we were doing. It was hopeless but at the same time, nice. It was nice to have the support and friendship and the whatever-the-hell this was.

While this was going on, I was doing my own thing, as you know if you’ve read the blog. He knew too, because he encouraged me to blog. I went on dates, I talked to dudes, I was out and about. He was too. Only with chicks. Not dudes. Last week I shared that I had recently gone on a date with someone I’d been talking to for a while and he was really happy. He shared that he had gone on dates too and while in my head, I knew he dated, I didn’t want to hear it. I got down in the dumps and grumpy about it, even though I did the same thing.

Today we talked about how happy we were to have each other in our lives and how lucky we were to have met and only have the best things to say about each other. While we were texting these things, we both knew without saying that it’s probably best we just let go.

Not let go of everything or how we felt or the friendship or whatever it is we have, but just move on and let someone else in.

It’s time for both of us to really, truly give 100% to someone who can be there. We didn’t say it, but we both knew.

I’m forever happy for what I have with him. Maybe he’s the one who got away. Maybe one day we’ll be in the same zip code. Maybe we will both meet in some serendipitous moment and everything will fall together. But wherever life brings us, I hope it’s only positive. If there’s one thing I’ll take from this, it’s don’t go on Tinder in Los Angeles.

Just kidding.

It’s that hope springs eternal. Find the positive in every relationship and find someone who can make you feel positive and whole. Find someone who, in your lowest time, reminds you that you have something to give and that you are so much more than whatever it is that brings you down. A friend who is positive and makes you feel happy is the best thing in the world. Keep them as a part of you, and keep the feeling they give you.

**Disclaimer** Tinder in Los Angeles is fun, but please be aware that they if a guy tells you you’re pretty, he’ll probably follow up with something so terrible, you will consider gouging out your eyeballs with a rusty spoon.

Friends, Family and Eggs

The past three weeks have been so humbling and fun. I’ve been surrounded by people I love and who love me and it has been great. I found myself wondering, “Man, what do shitty people do?” or “What do people do who have shitty friends?” I honestly didn’t know how to answer it because I don’t think I’ve really ever been in a position where I have felt that people didn’t support me.

Yeah, we’ve all been through the middle school phase when we have friends who are just trying to stay in the gel hair, American Eagle graphic t grind and have been shitty to you, but honestly, I haven’t had a low feeling about my friends and family in so long. I am truly blessed. Dawwwwww.

Two weekends ago, I spent a lot of time volunteering at The Ronald McDonald House and I have really enjoyed my time there. I switched up my schedule so I could actually see the families and help out with them, so I went in right after work Friday evening and stayed till around 8:30. Everything was going well until I put my sign in sheet back in the folder box. A familiar name popped up and I about died. It was my ex’s current girlfriend.

Oh for the love.

Of course this would happen to me. Just when I’m truly enjoying something that is building me up and making a positive impact in my life, I’m reminded of the partial reason I’ve been bummed for so long.

In pure Hannah fashion, I totally kept my cool. Loljk. I did, but I was actually pitting out and stuttering. I asked the coordinator if this girl ever really volunteers and she said she didn’t even know her and saw that she hadn’t been at the house since February. Ah, well. Dats cool. She won’t be back anytime soon. No worries.

Yeah, well. Nah.

Since the holidays are just around the corner, the house needs a lot of help. There’s a sheet with plenty of sign ups and whose name is at the top with my ex’s? Yeah. Balls. I decided to be proactive about this, so I just emailed the director and asked to not be scheduled with them because of the awkward situation. She apologized for the world being so small and said that there would be no issue. So, cool. Murder avoided. I mean awkwardness. Whatever.

It’s not like I hate her or anything, but I don’t want to know anything about her. She did some pretty shady things while my ex and I were dating and they started dating right after we broke up, so I mean, I don’t exactly wanna hang with her. It would bring up feelings I don’t want to have and from what I know about her, she’s super boring, and I can’t have that draggin’ me down.


That Sunday, I had my final show for my improv class and it was a blast! I was so happy to do it and I was warmed by my friends who came to see me and my ragtag crew of improvers do our thang. Surprisingly, I got over my nervousness and just went with it. I usually get super anxious about public speaking or anything like that, but improv has kind of taught me to get over myself and just go with it. Improv has also taught me to shut up. More often than not, I find myself just talk, talk, talking and I have struggled with just shutting up. It’s kinda been my thing since I was little. So, I have tried to just be quiet and let someone else get a word in, because my words are often just blabs.

After the show, my friend who just quit her job to fly by the seat of her pants and travel the world for a year, (seriously? I have the coolest friends) and I went to the Shakey Graves and met up with another friend. It was perfect. The openers were amazing and talented and their passion for performing just shined. I found myself wondering if I have that same spark in my eye while I enter in insurance benefits…

A piece of advice if you’re ever grumpy or have the blues, you need to hang with kids. With permission given to you by their parents, of course. I had my 2 cousins who are 7 and 4 come over last Saturday for some hang time and we had so much fun. I’m not sure what it is about kids that make me feel so great, but every time I have a little sesh with kids, I feel better. Beau, the 4 year old, is just so excited to do things and to help, it made baking a lot of fun. Ollie, who’s 7, has this crazy noggin that is always thinking and sometimes makes me nervous about my own intelligence.

This week, I had the flu. You know the flu where every part of your body hurts and even standing in the shower makes you want to die? That was me all week. The shakes, the shivers, the night sweat. Oy. Sat out yoga all week, which was a bummer, but I’m ready to get back at it this coming week. Gotta prep the body for the Christmas chow.

Kind of a side note, but something that made me super proud of myself this week was that I finally mastered making over-easy eggs.

Wow, Hannah. You’re so accomplished. Please enlighten us with your unending talents, you modern day miracle worker.

I know. Doesn’t seem that awesome, but for me it was my middle finger to my ex. He always made me over-easies because I could never get the flip down and I’d make the yolks crack. Well, last week, I did it. I didn’t do the awesome flip, but I gained control over the spatula and I got my eggs perfect. I let out a cheer of excitement and threw a middle finger in the air. I think it’s moments like that remind me that it’s all good. I got this. Even if it was something as small as eggs.

Dem eggs were delish, too. 👍

To make a full circle and connect all my dots, I want to touch on the the fact that I truly have the best friends and family. There hasn’t been a time all year that I have felt alone and felt like I didn’t have someone to talk to. My friends have answered late night calls, texts and have just been there. It’s amazing. And they have such wise advice, too! Like holy moly, some of them had to be monks in a past life because the words of wisdom they give me are helpful and so true, it’s just wonderful. I’ve found myself the past 3 weeks just feeling so loved and so grateful for everyone in my life, it’s made me so happy. I’m a lucky gal.

Thanks Doe

In the spirit of Thanksgiving and my lack of blog ideas, I thought I’d take the time to write short thank you notes to people and things that I’m truly thankful for. I’m channeling my inner Jimmy Fallon here, so let’s see how it works out.

Dear Vanessa,

Thank you for hopping on the roller coaster that is my life. Thank you for holding the figurative barf bag and being there when things have gotten dicey. Thanks for party girl dancing the whole time and dealing with my cats. Sorry they fuzz on ya.


Dear Google,

Thank you for not judging me for my searches. I don’t know how I’m a fully functioning adult, either.

“Why does my cat follow me everywhere” searcher

Dear Mom and Dad,

Thank you for answering my phone calls and listening to my whining about my life. Thank you for not asking questions when I was going through my break up. Thank you for picking me up from places and not asking questions why I was there. Thank you for letting me cry and slam Bud Heavys in gray on gray sweatpants when I saw my ex with his girlfriend. Thank you for sharing your stories of when you were growing up and going through similar things in life. Thanks for falling in love and showing me that life will be good.

Your daughter

Dear Pandora,

Thank you for allowing me to listen to Dr Dre radio and Taylor Swift radio in the same hour and not suggesting I’m a confused 12 year old girl living in Compton.

Girl who skips over This Is How We Do, but gives a thumbs up to Shake It Off

Dear Yoga,

Thank you for clearing my head when all it does is wander. Thank you for showing me that I can move my body in weird ways that I thought only fit girls on Instagram were capable of. Thank you for giving me inner peace. Thank you for giving me balance. Thank you for giving my booty a nice lift (soon, I’ll bounce a quarter off it).

Girl Who Sweats and Smiles and Falls Asleep at the End of Class

Dear Pizza,

Thanks for being available for me to eat at breakfast, lunch and dinner. You’re the real MVP.

Girl Who Eats You When She’s Happy and Sad

Dear Gracie,

Thanks for being my best friend even though I’m so blue and you’re so orange. Thanks for always being as silly as you are beautiful. Thanks for shoving Keegan Niccom into a locker that time he called me fat in high school. That kid is still a douche, I’m sure. Thank you for being so supportive and positive throughout our friendship. Thanks for driving my car through fields. Thanks for waking me up from naps to get ice cream.

Nostalgic Tee

Dear People Who Eat With Your Mouths Open,

Thank you for teaching me patience as I watch you eat like a dog eating spaghetti. Thank you for showing me that it is possible to be a grown adult and make noises from your mouth that I thought could only come from a creature in a Doctor Seuss book. Thank you for showing me what’s in your mouth as you chomp through it with your dumb, gaping hole.

Not so much love,
Girl Who Wants Your Head To Explode

Dear Collin,

Thank you for always flexing your big bro cool muscle. Thanks for terrifying my high school dating prospects, I didn’t want to date them anyway. Thanks for always laughing at my weirdness and never asking why I be the way I be. Thanks for walking to the library with me and renting Silence of the Lambs on spring break in elementary school. Thank you for being a big ole softy and giving me tough love at the same time.


Dear Tinder,

Thank you for showing me the men ages 24-30 in my area who come in all shapes and sizes and genuinely make me feel scared for my life. Thank you for introducing me to some nice men who have taken me on some fun dates and never called me back. Thank you for showing me the man market in Los Angeles. Thank you for giving me the courage to swipe right on a cute boy who has a love for Yuengling and who still somehow likes me even though I have so many weird things. Thank you for giving me an ego stroke on days when I am wearing sweatpants.

Girl Who Deletes You Then Redownloads You On Lonely Days

Dear Tuesday Students,

Thank you for letting me teach you. Thank you for sharing your stories in English and showing up for class with the will to learn. Thank you for making me smile so big on my drive home. Thank you for inviting me to spend time with your friends and family while you celebrate. Thank you for laughing at me when I have no idea what you’re saying. Thank you for warning me and telling me the salsa is hot and getting me water when it makes my nose run. Thank you for sharing your guacamole recipe with me… Maybe one day you’ll make it? Eh? Eh? You make me so happy.

Su Professor

Dear Friends and Family,

Thank you for reading this. Thank you for being there for my laughs and my cries and everything in between. Thank you for listening to my rambles and insights. Thank you for growing with me and still wanting to hang out even though you know my life is a little bananas. And if I didn’t give you a personal shout out, please don’t be offended. You know I love ya and will probably find a way to mention you on here 😊


Less Cats, More Men

It’s been a week since my lovely friend said “I do,” and I gotta say, it was a wedding for the books. Seeing her and her now husband so in love was a wonderful feeling. You know how in movies they say they watch the groom watch the bride walk down the aisle, well, I wouldn’t recommend that for the faint hearted, because if you’re like me, you’ll turn into a puddle of tears and cry as a bridesmaid in front of the guests. I watched Jenny walk down with her proud father and looked at her look at her groom and then I looked at her groom look at her and that was it. Moonbeams galore. (For the record, I only cried 3 times.)

The moonbeams continued throughout the ceremony despite the goofy Will Ferrell-esque officiant and in 7 short minutes, they were Mr. and Mrs. Riehm.

Let me rewind to the morning of the wedding and getting ready with the maids. I had the best time primping and priming at the salon with the girls. The feeling of sitting in a styling chair with a hot coffee and a lady you’re paying to make your hair look better than the style you found on Pinterest must be like the high people got from doing coke at Studio 54, because holy moly, I could do that every day of my life. The throwback tunes playing while we chatted about the day and everything else just added to the perfect day that was to come.

I got the chance to catch up with the Maid of Honor and it was so perfect. She is one of those friends you meet and you know you want her to be a friend for life because everything she does and is, is positive and unselfish. I felt so grateful to be surrounded by some of the best people and knowing that one of my best friends chose these people to stand next to her on her big day.

Anywhoser. Back to the weddin’. We all hopped on a party bus to kick off the night and I’m not sure what it is, but DMX truly knows how to get the party started. We bopped on the bus and headed to the reception. It was one of the best receptions because there wasn’t a time the dance floor was empty. I was cuttin’ a rug all night and even though I am more uncoordinated than a baby giraffe on rollerskates, a groomsmen still twirled me around all night. (I still feel bad for stepping on his feet a couple times 😳)

I came home around 1 am and hit the bed hard. I was sore all day Sunday from moving muscles I hadn’t moved (and probably moved incorrectly) in a long time. I volunteered and came back for a lazy Sunday with my roommate.

So, on Tuesdays I teach English with 8-12 Spanish speaking adults and it is probably the highlight of my week. It’s definitely one of those things where they are teaching me more than I’m teaching them and the feeling I get from being in class with them is one that I haven’t had in a long, long time. My heart just bursts when I see them understanding something and I love chatting with them because they are just little birds now and just chirp in English. Anyway, they have asked me a million times if I have a boyfriend and I’ve said no and not really given them an explanation. They also know I have 2 cats because I have shown them pictures and have told them stories.

Well, I think I must have hit a point in my cat lady life because I was telling a story about Opie that I thought was hilarious and one of them had this serious look on her face. She looked at me with the look your mother gives you when she is genuinely concerned and said, “Hannah, you are too pretty to have more cats than men. Less cats, more men.”

Oh boy.

With that being said, I will turn down the cat talk and up my dude talk. I guess it’s come to that point. I thought it’d be a little more drastic, like I would be that girl who adopts 4 cats and has a cat room with cat trees and dresses them according to holidays, but I guess it was just one extra story about my roommate and I putting tape on the cats. Yeesh.

So, if anyone knows any dudes who would like a gal like me, give him my digits. Maybe. No, don’t. Wait, yes. Do. No, don’t. I don’t know.

Anyway, that was my week. I wish I could be a part of a friend’s wedding every week because I love the love and there really isn’t a feeling better than the warm fuzzies from love and beautiful friendships.

*Disclaimer: no more cats will be discussed on the blog. I’ll save that for my Snap Chat. Wait, no. Yes. No. Yes.*

I’ll Fiiiiiiiiiind You

Well, I survived my first outing sober as a judge. Actually, that would have been a good Halloween costume, but I went as sushi, which was a blast. I was a little on the fence about going out, especially considering that it was Halloween, but seeing as I suffer from serious FOMO (Fear of missing out), I met up with a girlfriend from work and went to a party with her crew.

So the thing about being sober at a party is that you notice everything. I also suffer from a bad case of people watching, so this was like a gold mine. Not only were people drinking like Civil War soldiers preparing to get their limbs sawed off, but Holy Moses, they were loud. The music was played at an appropriate level, but everyone was just shouting their thoughts. Like not even good thoughts, just thoughts. I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m guilty of this when I hit the sauce, because I have seen snapchats, read texts and have just said my thoughts aloud to myself when no one was listening, ya know, like a normal drunk. I also noticed the dancing. Everyone has the confidence of Beyoncé and it is actually pretty cool to see everyone cut a rug with such chutzpah because there’s no way I look that awesome sober dancing.

We hit the bars and went downtown. It was a blast seeing all of the costumes and seeing how creative everyone could get. I feel like people are trying to be funnier instead of out hotting each other, which is awesome. I didn’t partake in any of the shots that were offered to me, and no one batted an eye, so that was cool. I don’t think it’ll be that hard to not drink and go out and about. Now, will I be a Sober Sally and hit the town every weekend? Absolutely not. But I’ll totally dabble every once in a while.

I will add this, though. My apartment building just added a 20% discount to my nacho run place and it took every fiber of my sober being to say no to the glorious delicacy that is 2 am nachos. Dats some self control.

Moving on.

Now, I’m not sure if it’s because I bought the new TSwift CD (don’t even knock it. It’s amazing and my only regret is I didn’t buy the deluxe addition), but I have seriously just been bummed and in a weird place with the dating deal.

And when I say dating deal, I mean it in the loosest way possible, because I’m not dating anyone. At all. I’m just out here being me on my own and for some reason, I’ve developed an issue with it. Like what happened to my I’m Independent, I Don’t Need No Man Hannah? A couple of weeks ago, I was totally cool and embracing being single but now all I want to do is listen to Dashboard and wonder what’s wrong with me, or at least have a dude to tell me nothing is wrong with me and eat pizza and watch Tommy Boy with me. I think fall is definitely the season of love because everyone seems to start dating in fall and then cozy up for winter together.

The thing is, I’m not bitter at all towards people who have someone, I’m happy for them! I want them to feel the fuzzies but at the same time, I want fuzzies and the make-ya-feel-dumb-when-I-talk-to-you feeling. I know I said last week I wasn’t ready to date, but maybe I am. I ran into a friend from high school on Halloween and she was with her boyfriend who she started dating this summer. They have known each other forever and just now started dating! They were absolutely adorable together and just having a blast and completely glowing. So now I’m wondering if I have had a dude in front of my nose and haven’t noticed and now we are going to fall in love. If you’re out there, guy I’ve known forever, I’ll find you. (Read that in the girl from Wedding Crashers’ voice and then forget I said it because I don’t want you to think I’m a weirdo).

I’m in one of my best friend’s weddings this weekend and I am over the moon excited! I can’t wait to see her marry her best friend! I’ve been tanning for it because I thought I had the dark hair, pale skin like Nancy Botwin from Weeds look, but it was mostly just dark hair with skin so white, I’d be one of those dots on those ghost shows and wouldn’t actually look like a person in the pictures. I gotta say, I’m actually kind of privy to the latter because my cheeks are just fried and I feel out of place. Anyway, that was completely unnecessary but whatever.

This weekend will be a blast! Can’t wait to see everyone and my friend become a Mrs!! ☺️☺️