Hello from the Other Side

Adele’s album dropped at a perfect time.

She was in hiding for 5 years, but pop! She’s back with an amazing, heart-wrenchingly beautiful song that hit me like a ton of bricks.

It’s so typical of me to talk about myself, I’m sorry…

Everything has been going really well lately. I mentioned a few posts ago I picked up a serving job at a place near my apartment, but I really wasn’t digging it, so I quit and applied somewhere else. (Total server move.) I love the new place. The people are friendly, helpful and they’ve made me feel really welcome. The tips are rollin’ in and the busy season is picking up, so I’ll be sitting on fat stacks in no time.

Earlier this month, a friend who works at the same company I do, suggested me for a really cool job posting.  I applied and got an interview, which doesn’t really happen unless you know someone, so the fact that I got a chance to interview made me ecstatic. I answered interview questions in the shower, in the car, at my desk, in my sleep and I’d have to say a time I’ve been faced with a difficult decision was when I snagged my tights on the way to the interview and had to turn them so they faced the inside of my leg instead of the outside. Oh, sorry. I got caught up in interview stuff.

Anyway, I had two interviews and they were intense. It felt like in college when I’d study super hard for a test and walk in with the confidence of 10,000 super models, take the test and then I’d walk out and think, “Huh. Well. That could go either way.”

It went the way I didn’t want it to go.

I didn’t get the job and I was upset. I wondered what I said wrong. I wondered what the other person did right. I wondered if I wasn’t professional enough. I wondered if I should have said my only flaw at work is that I work too hard. I wondered if maybe they saw the snag in my tights and thought that I couldn’t even dress myself, so how in the world could I be capable of handling myself in this new position?

As I do, I wallowed for a bit and then bounced back. I went to my serving job and had a great night. As I was walking out, my manager told me, “Hey. You’re doing a great job! We were kind of testing you tonight and you did awesome. Keep it up.” Then he gave me a thumbs up.

I went in my car and cried. It was a nice reassurance that even though I didn’t get the position, I still had two jobs and one made me feel really great, even if just for a moment.

There’s such a difference between us and a million miles…

Well, I guess I was due for bad news, because everything has been going seemingly well. Eerily well.

I got a text from one of my good girlfriends saying that she was going to send me a picture and didn’t want me to get upset.

You know when you know bad news is coming and your face gets hot and you feel it in your tummy and you feel like you’re upside down for like just a second?

That feeling swept over me, and I just text, “Is he engaged?”

She said, “Yes.”

I said, “Don’t show me.”

Here’s the thing, while I don’t want to be with him at all and I have no feelings for him, I just don’t care about him.

I don’t wish him well and I don’t wish anything on him because he’s just such a damper on everything.

I was sad for a little bit just because I thought about the things we’d say to each other and how it feels like everyone around me is getting engaged and I just had a keg over the weekend, but then I thought to myself, “I am so much better off.”

Breaking up with him has been the best. If I was still with him, I wouldn’t have done so many things. I probably wouldn’t have gone on a solo trip to Los Angeles, where I met someone who reminded me what it was like to have butterflies. I wouldn’t have gone on dates with a guy from Tinder who got me asking questions about bee keeping. I wouldn’t have rekindled with an old flame and he wouldn’t have twirled me around the dance floor, making me feel really, really liked again and making me the heart eye emoji.

These guys have been better. While they were short lived, they gave me a spark and I took something positive away from each one.

Besides meeting great guys, I have had great experiences with kick-ass people.

I moved home right after school when I was down and out and during that time, I formed such a special bond with my parents. My old roommate was and is the best. She’s helped me through everything. My brother, who used to beat the ever living shit out of me, is my go-to guy for everything. I never thought we’d have the bond we do now. My friend who moved from Iowa to podunk Indiana for a dude had his heart broken and we’ve commiserated and have been closer than ever. Stand up? Who woulda thought. I have one of the best girlfriends through that. How? Comedians are all a little damaged, but we’re thick as thieves. My best friend from fifth grade softball and I are tight as ever. My old middle school friend who’s moved all over is more in my life now than she ever was. Work has brought amazing coworkers who are more friends than anything and always offer sage advice and big smiles.

So even though I didn’t get the job and I didn’t get engaged, I’m still standing and I’m happier than ever.

But it don’t matter, it clearly

Doesn’t tear you apart anymore.

XO