Hannah Things

Well, I’m 27.

Goodbye, youth! Goodbye, even number!

Hello, boring age. Hello, odd number.

27, man. It sounds so old. It sounds so blah.  It sounds so official. I guess it’s because I never thought of myself being 27.  When I was a teenager, I thought about what my life would be like when I turned 25 and I had it all figured out. I was going to be living in Chicago and writing and definitely in a long term relationship with a dapper dude with an amazing sweater collection who could quote Chris Farley and take me out for fancy dinners with bottles of wine.

Dream on, dumb Hannah. Dream on.

Here’s what 27 looks like for me: living on my own in a cute Grand Ave apartment with a job that is okay, doing stand-up comedy and loving it, eating Papa John’s in my bed, and the only dude I see consistently is my fat cat Opie.

And that’s alright.

I’m in a good spot, and I’m trying to make it better. I was in such a funk before my birthday about turning 27. I just didn’t want to do it. I wanted to skip to 28 because I hear that’s where the fun starts. My friends who are 28 seem to love it and people are older than 28 say it was a good age. But 27? It just seems like a drag.

I eventually got excited for my birthday and had a blast. Bopped around with my girlfriends in flower crowns and had like 9 boots at Hessen Haus. I had so much fun and felt so loved. I cried happy tears and couldn’t believe all the sweet birthday wishes sent my way. It was a great day! But the age still got me. Fn 27, man.

Going into my 27th year, I made a list of 27 things that I wanted to do within my birthday month to add a pep in my step about this dumb age I was so hung up on.

I won’t bore you with all of them, but here are a few I actually did before I turned the big ole 2-7:

1) Make my bed everyday

I like this one because it holds me accountable and even if my room is full of laundry baskets of clean clothes I haven’t put away, it looks like my room is cleaner than it is.

8) Read another book besides the book club book

The book club has been one of my favorite things lately! I love chattin’ with the chicks over the books we choose, and I don’t know what it is about reading a book, but lately I’m like, “Yeah, I’m reading a book. You ever heard of it? Books? Yeah. I do that.” Because honestly, getting me to sit down and read without being an A-hole on my iPhone is quite the accomplishment. I read The Longest Ride, (okay, it was an audiobook, BUT I LISTENED TO IT THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH!) And say what you want about Nicholas Sparks, (we get it, strong woman with a sparky attitude and a rich upbringing meets a dude who’s rough and tumble and they fall in love against all odds) but this one was different! It was good. Don’t judge.

9) Buy some fancy candles

I did this! I love it! There’s something about having a nice candle to spruce up the apartment. I light them when I take my weekly baths and I have them on when I’m dinking around the apartment. Just adds a nice little flare and it’s like, “Okay, am I a little like Lauren Conrad with this? Kind of?” Not close, but it adds a nice feminine touch.

11) Try eating a melon, an olive, a piece of licorice and drink some Dr. Pepper

All of these are disgusting to me. And before you ask, yes, all melons. Is cantaloupe a melon? Yes. I hate them. Well. I tried an olive. It was still disgusting. Like I just ate a ton of ocean water and leaves. I also tried some Dr. Pepper. Blech. Still gross. Maybe I couldn’t handle all 23 flavors, but I still made a face. Maybe my pallet will change next year and I’ll suddenly love it, but until then, no thank you.

12) Use a nail clipper like an adult

Guess what? I stopped biting my nails! I’ve been biting them since I could chew and they never looked gross and nubby, but it’s a yucky habit. I just stopped doing it! I don’t have tricks. I even painted them but then they chipped and my friends said they look trashy and I need to either remove the polish or paint them again. Sheesh. Message received. Polish off.

20) Take a bath and don’t cry this time unless they’re happy tears and Jewel isn’t allowed to play

So as it turns out, Jewel is my go to gal when I feel blue. I remember when I’d sing Foolish Games on the playground while wearing overalls. I totally thought I could relate, but I didn’t relate until I actually felt real feelings for someone. Last month I had a little cry fest in the bath with Jewel and I said, “No more!”  Jewel’s on the shelf. She’s allowed out once a month. She can’t come in the bathtub with me. The bath is where I go to relax and put on a good face mask from Lush and shrink my pores. The bath is not for tears because oh my god can you imagine if I dropped my iPad in it and it electrocuted me and they found me listening to Jewel with my cats and all of these candles lit and my Rachel Ray body alone and naked in the cold water? It would be the saddest episode of Law and Order: SVU. The only guy they could call to see if I had a boyfriend would be the Papa John’s delivery guy because I didn’t answer the door and he was the last text. Bye Jewel!

21)          Forgive people, apologize and say thank you

I am known to hold grudges. I am known to be that girl who will take things to heart and remember and really dislike people for one small thing. It’s not an ideal trait and I wanna kick the habit. I had a list of people in my head I needed to forgive. Some of them, I didn’t want to directly contact, because they didn’t know that I had this weird disdain for them, so I just wrote it all down in letters to them. I wrote down everything I thought and read it once, then tossed them. I forgave them. Maybe that doesn’t sound real, but it was real enough for me. And I also apologized. I apologized for how I treated them when I was angry at them or mean thoughts I thought about them when they were just going about their day, having no idea I was mad. It felt better. I only actually sent one out to someone and it was more of a thank you. They had a huge part of me and then let me go, but I wanted to let them know there were no hard feelings. It took a lot to write, but the feeling I got after I sent it was wonderful. They wrote back with a heartwarming response and I just felt complete.

25)          Stop talking to dudes with girlfriends

Uhhh. Yeah. This one has put me in pickles. Lately, this has kind of blind-sided me, but it happened and I’m not exactly proud of it. I spent a lot of time and energy on someone who wouldn’t give it 100% back to me. I don’t know if it was an ego stroke, but I indulged and gave in and it was very unfair of me. I felt weary about it at the time, but I still liked him. And he said he liked me.  You know who he also said he liked? His girlfriend. He wasn’t going to leave her, no matter what he said. He wasn’t going to come right to me and honestly, I didn’t want him to. I didn’t know what I wanted. I still felt like I had the upper hand and I felt like the biggest hypocrite. I’m not sure if I was so messed up from my last serious relationship that I felt like I needed to feel better than another girl or what, but it only ended up with me being alone. It’s not cool and I’m not proud of it, but it happened. And I wrote an awesome joke about it. So I guess I came out with something?

27)          Just be better

This one is something I want to take with me throughout my year. Everything I do, I want to do well and I want to do it with pride. I want to do things on my own. I want to improve every single day. I don’t want to look at myself in the mirror and think, “Oh, that’s who you wanna be today? Cool, Hannah.” I want to have a zest and a zing to my everyday life and I want to be able to share things I’m proud of instead of having to hide things or have to shamefully say. I want to grab life by the balls and run and come out on top. I’m excited and I have a good vibe feeling about 27.

There were other things on my list, but these were the ones I wanted to focus on. A lot of them are small, but they make me feel better because I acknowledge them and I want to work on things. I mean, I know I’m perfect, (obviously, you just read all that) but I suppose I could tweak some aspects of my life. 🙂

Cheers to 27! May it bring happiness, laughs, a nice dude and good vibes.


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